skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Today, I don't have much to say. But I feel like making a list. So I will.
Songs that are very relevant to my life right now:
1. Going North by Missy Higgins
"I wanna dance the tango with chance...and I wanna ride on the wire...cause nothin gets done with dust in your gun...and nobody respects a liar. So goodbye for a while, I'm off to explore every boundary and every door...yeah, I'm going north."
2. Pony (It's okay) by Erin McCarley
"Look at you, kickin off your shoes, dancin for the world to see...You got the power to believe, open up and see, and I'll be free and fly away...Go on, go on, go on, the stars are watchin...just say just say just say what you're feelin...you know you know you know you gotta take a bow and do it your way...its okay..."
3. Turnaround by Joy Williams
"Come on its time for a brand new page, come on its time for a turnaround, open your eyes to a brighter day and see the corner your turnin now...its time, its time for a change."
4. The Outsiders by Needtobreathe
"Short falls and little sins, Close calls where no one wins, Stand tall we're running thin, I'm wearing thin.....Oh oh oh , why are we keeping score? Cuz if your not laughing, who is laughing now? I've been wondering, if we start sinking, Would we stand our ground? And through everything we've learned, We've finally come to terms. We are the outsiders"
Today's Pearl of Wisdom:
Let someone else do the talking.
To you, my dedicated readers, I owe you an apology. I have, to say the very least, been AWOL...gone...completely removed from the blogging community for a solid 3 months or more. I have no excuses for my absence. Only a busy schedule and a few wares to show for it.
My life has warranted many adventures during the time I have been away from here. Some entertaining and fun, some horrifying and emotionally draining. Adventures, though. Adventures...you know...those things that when arranged together, compose a beautiful bouquet that is life.
I'm not really into specifics and details today. I don't feel that they are important. What I find important is that you know what a beautifully uncertain state my life is in today. In the past, this observation made me cry. But not today. I have a peace amidst my lack of answers. I have rest in knowing that my anxious feet will have a new path on which to walk soon enough. I know my Father's plan will ultimately play itself out. I look forward to the day it comes to fruition. My life is beautiful right now though. At this very second. Geez...why? Oh, because ironically, I am living part of the plan. This studio, these walls, my petunias and my spirit...we are all suppose to be here right now. Together. And I'm okay with that.
Tomorrow, maybe not. But today, yes.
I don't know where my path is going. Nope. Not a clue. I don't know who will walk it with me or if I will be alone. I only know that when my feet start moving, I will follow where they take me. I will go Fearlessly. Proudly. Joyfully. Perhaps even dance some along the way. I will do this because I know staying will be like locking me in a cage and going will only open doors for new adventures. Some entertaining and fun, some horrifying and emotionally draining. Adventures, though. Adventures
Today's Pearl of Wisdom:
Finding time for others is a great way to lose yourself.
Today is a new day, too. A Monday. I feel like Mondays have been given a pretty bad reputation, and I think that this is an injustice because Mondays aren't bad at all. They are refreshing and new. They are the beginning. The Starting Line. And to be quite honest, that excites me just a little.
Though I am still searching and praying a whole lot these days, I am taking my own advice and blooming where I have been planted...at least for today. Because to be completely honest, for the last two+ weeks, I haven't cared about anything. I have been dead in spirit. That, y'all, is a terrible way to live. I'm still don't have answers...may never have answers. But I must move forward and choose happiness.
In saying that, I have already packed up my Christmas decorations at the studio this morning and swept the floor for the first time all year (I told you I hadn't cared about anything at all...I meant it.) I am going to be completing a lot of things this week. And starting some stuff too. I am ready to see results. If I have to be here...I will make something of it.
List time.
Things I have learned:
+ It could be worse.
+ I'm not the only person going through this.
+ My physical well-being can no longer suffer due to work.
+ Happiness is a choice.
Today's Pearl of Wisdom:
Today is another chance.
This is the testament of my life right now. This is the cry of my heart. This is the first breath I inhale in the mornings and the thought that embraces me as I drift off to sleep each night. I. don't. know. what. to. do.
I have two parents who would do anything to fix this for me. But all I feel is resentment following every discussion about my life.
I don't want my life to be mediocre. I don't want to tell my grandchildren boring stories. I want to write my biography in such a way that people couldn't put it down...that it would be an adventure of epic proportions. Sometimes I feel like there aren't many people around me who want that same thing. I feel like the world around me is content and I can't seem to be okay with that.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know where all of this has come from and I don't know what the answer is but I know that I feel like a bird in a cage. My flame is dying out, my motivation is dwindling, my spirit is dying. And I don't know how to fix it.
I pray a lot these days...because I know that in reality, I am blessed so far beyond what I have ever deserved. Sometimes, though.... think that maybe I was meant for more....
Today's pearl of wisdom:
Pride and Obligation will not keep you happy.
Well, friends, it has been a whole year since this sweet little field of blogs began...and yes...it is again time for a yearly summary of things that happened, lessons I learned and truths that unfolded in front of me time after time, day after day.
Sooo...I think I will just start with a list.
:: List of major events that happened in 2009 in the life of Leslie Gray ::
January: I began working with Address to Impress, an invitation company based out of Tupelo, MS.
February: I suffered through the readjustment period that was "Moving back in with my Parents" and I survived.
March: I established an office space and studio on Bankhead in New Albany...later to be known as Gray & Company
April: I starred in the play "M*A*S*H" and I learned how to pay rent.
May: I found love and didn't even know it.
June: I learned how to drive my orange volkswagen and I stopped traffic all over New Albany.
July: I returned to the stage, performing in Broadway 5 and I found out that the path I chose it quaint but absolutely charming.
August: I watched a meteor shower, snuggled into my studio for the fall, and found out that Mr. Bloody Bones is smarter than I thought.
September: I gave my best friend away to a guy who is now her best friend. And I confidently walked away from an influence in my life that never really cared about me, but rather saw me as a mere business transaction and a piece of the puzzle. Oh, yeah....and I started what is now the Gray & Company tshirt line! (September was a really big month!)
October: I turned 24. I grew older. I also played the role of June Sanders in "Smoke on the Mountain"...my first role with any significance.
November: I grew a thick skin and got my hands dirty...working hard and making things happen. I also decorated my shop for Christmas for the first time ever...a truly joyful time.
December: I enjoyed the holidays, despite their busy-ness for the first time in years and I found out that people show up in your life when you least expect them and probably need them most.
The past year has offered me more of an education than I ever received in an institution of higher learning. I have had hard lessons in business and life. I have had my heart broken and I found that there is nothing that can heal it better than your best friends sunbathing in a pool with a cold drink on a hot summer day. I rearranged my thoughts on how my fairy tale wedding will unfold one day and I got a good start on learning how to tell people "no." Through all of the lessons I have learned this year, the one that remains most evident is that God is gracious and giving and good. Though there is nothing in my life that reflects an entitlement to what I have, God provides anyway....he gives daily and without reservation- His grace for the times when I create a royal disaster of my life and His love when I feel abandoned by those I put false trust in. My Father provides and my life is a testament to that.
Pink Pearls of Wisdom for 2009:
1. Never climb so far up the ladder that it hurts when you fall back down. -Bill Gray
2. Rejection is like getting a shot...it hurts at first but it makes you a better person.
3. Fear of love is fear of life.
4. There is nothing wrong with loving polka dots and animal print in abundance and with wreckless abandon.
5. If you let them, curious people will waste your life away.
6. There is a difference between business and rudeness.
7. The battle of overcoming who you used to be and proving who you are is actually a war in a small town.
8. Love is a many splendor thing, Y'all.
Hit me with your best shot, 2010!
Thanksgiving is over and the Holiday Season is upon us. I had a few very important revelations over the Turkey day festivities. I think I will keep them short and sweet though. And instead of preaching to you, I am going to write them in such a way that they will be notes of encouragement.
1. Folks, take care of your families. Take care of you grandparents, and your parents, and your kids. That should be a priority. Not an "at your convenience" option.
2. The Church is a venue through which we can have Christian fellowship and worship. Do not allow yourself to become so caught up in the social and political traps of the church that you forget the purpose of it. Christianity is demonstrated through Love. Inside or outside the church. I am not discouraging church. I am encouraging independent thinking about your life as a Christian. Study the life of Jesus Christ and model your life after that, not necessarily after what your Sunday school teacher tells you to do or what the Southern Baptist doctrine tells you to believe. It is very easy to be innocently misled by someone who has the very best of intentions.
I'm quite excited about the Christmas season. I hope all of you are as well. I'm setting a goal to be completely finished with all of my lingering projects by the end of 2009 so that I can start off 2010 with a clean slate and a determined spirit.
Get excited because we are only one month away from the Pink Pearls of Wisdom 2009 Reflection entry. That is usually a good one!
Today's Pearl of Wisdom:
Sometimes being completely lost is right where you are supposed to be.
So it has been a while, right? Well, since my last entry, I have had much going on in my life to speak of. I have faced some real struggles in both business and life and some struggles that crossed that dividing line into both areas. And with that, I am learning. I think that is the best way to put it, really. I am learning that people, imperfect as we are, can be disappointing. I am learning to never believe in someone too much...to never set their bar so high that it hurts when they allow it to drop and hit me in the face.
I'm finding that people will use me to get what they want. You are always someone's best friend when you have what they want. It is when you try to protect yourself or when something better comes along that you find out where the genuine souls lie. In realizing this about so many of the people in my life, i have realized a whole lot about me. I located some areas in my life that are weak...areas that I had been excusing as mere kindness...well, not so much. That kindness was also an excuse for me to avoid developing a back bone that would help support me. That kindness is what would have been my demise. I was going to "kindness" myself to death.
I realize that is a heavy load to drop in a blog but I said it all with a very peaceful heart. I am excited about life right now and all of the exciting things that are up for grabs. I am not worried about the struggles. They are good for me. I cry more than I think is humanly normal these days but it makes me feel better. I'm not sad. I just get stressed and it seems that sometimes, crying really does make it better. So I allow myself to do that these days. And through those little stressful tears, I smile because i love what I do and what I am working so hard to become.
Today's Pearl of Wisdom:
Every struggle survived is a battle won.
Today, I don't have much to say. But I feel like making a list. So I will.
