Who do I want to be?
Props to my friend Sarah for putting that question out there, as opposed to "what do I want to do?" or "what do I want to be?"
Who I am is much more important than what I am or what I do.
I'll share with you a little about who I would like to be in 13 years.
I want to be loud.
I want to be that woman who fearlessly walks into a room and cares nothing of what others perceive of her. I want to have great hair and an attractive disposition. I want to be dripping with southern-ness and I want my laugh to be such that everyone can hear it and wish that they knew what I know to make me laugh like that.
I want to be quirky.
I want to wear heels with my workout shorts if necessary. I want to always always think beyond the realm of acceptability or trend. I want to have window boxes with flowers in them at my house and I want to have a really really big dog. And I don't want vulchers hovering around to see what I'm going to do next or to try to ride my coattails or to try to one-up me. Geez. Just let me be me without having to worry about social and political pressures. Thanks.
I want to be a lover.
I want my friends to know that they are loved. I want my husband (should the Lord bless me as such) to know that he is loved. My family, my children, my clients....I want them all to know that the world is nothing without the special people that fill it. I want to always make time for my girls. I want them to always know that whether they need a margarita or a special prayer, I will be over in lightning fast speeds to take care of them and I know that they would always do the same.
I want to be well-respected.
I am still working on this one. There are areas where I know I struggle. Procrastination started out as a little joke with me and has snowballed itself into a major disease. I am daily trying to improve this and other areas of my life so that when I look back, I can say that despite my mistakes, I did alright.
I want to be happy.
Happy is the feeling you have when you lie down after a long day next to someone you love all covered up in a down comforter. Happy is the feeling you have when you tie the perfect bow on the perfect gift sitting in front of the perfect Christmas tree drinking the best cup of coffee in the world while watching Miracle on 34th street with your sister and your mom.
Happy is looking in the mirror and knowing that you have worked really hard to drop a few pounds and your jeans are just a little bit looser than before. Happy is getting a sunburn while being completely lazy on the lake. Happy is going to work everyday and knowing you will have a paycheck to buy groceries and pay rent.
I would have defined happy in a much different way 6 years ago.
So who do I want to be? I want to be the colorful, loud, boistrous, fearless girl who loves and gives...who has a strong man standing behind her and all of her girls standing beside her....who is happy.
Today's Pearl of Wisdom:
Be who you are, not what you do.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Wow. This is such a wonderful quote with which to begin today's blog.
I was talking with a good friend about the mood of my blog recently, and yes, it is true...I was a very unhappy little girl earlier this year. Sad, actually. When you are twenty-four and perfectly confused about life, insecurity takes its toll on the human spirit. For those of you who held my hand while I was enduring, thank you. For those of you who I neglected or hurt, I am sorry.
I can say today, though, that I'm in a different place. Not a place of certainty...oh not at all. More like a place of excitement and...
For an artist, when your curiosity dies, your spirit dies. Your soul dies. And being among the living dead is a bad place.
But Somewhere between there and here, my curiosity waltzed (yes, I do love that word) its way right back into my little wandering mind and started not a spark, but a damn bonfire of creativity.
I have dreams. Big ones. And I want to make them happen. It all happens one little step at a time. And I know that there are going to be sacrifices and compromises I will have to make. Regardless, I have my flame back. I want to make things again. And I want to be successful again. I want to do what I love and not take the easy way out again.
I have NEVER in my life been one to half-way do something. And I have never taken the easy way out...not even when I decorated my apartments in college, did I make things simple...no...complicated-as-hell is the way I operate, for better or for worse. My goal has always been perfection, regardless of the effort, sweat or work that a project might involve. Earlier this year, I saw that value of mine slipping. I saw my work ethic slipping. My passion disappearing. My desire to be the best? gone.
I'm alive again, though, y'all.
And my dear precious friends, It feels good to be happy again. I choose that daily. I am making big changes in my life right now that will continue to move me toward my new goals. Hang in here with me and you will see some cool things happen.
Do I have both feet on the ground? Nope. Sure don't. :)
Today's Pearl of Wisdom:
Whether on a dance floor or in life, standing still is a bad move.