Monday, January 25, 2010

In better spirits...

Today is a new day, too. A Monday. I feel like Mondays have been given a pretty bad reputation, and I think that this is an injustice because Mondays aren't bad at all. They are refreshing and new. They are the beginning. The Starting Line. And to be quite honest, that excites me just a little.

Though I am still searching and praying a whole lot these days, I am taking my own advice and blooming where I have been least for today. Because to be completely honest, for the last two+ weeks, I haven't cared about anything. I have been dead in spirit. That, y'all, is a terrible way to live. I'm still don't have answers...may never have answers. But I must move forward and choose happiness.

In saying that, I have already packed up my Christmas decorations at the studio this morning and swept the floor for the first time all year (I told you I hadn't cared about anything at all...I meant it.) I am going to be completing a lot of things this week. And starting some stuff too. I am ready to see results. If I have to be here...I will make something of it.

List time.

Things I have learned:
+ It could be worse.
+ I'm not the only person going through this.
+ My physical well-being can no longer suffer due to work.
+ Happiness is a choice.

Today's Pearl of Wisdom:
Today is another chance.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


This is the testament of my life right now. This is the cry of my heart. This is the first breath I inhale in the mornings and the thought that embraces me as I drift off to sleep each night. I. don't. know. what. to. do.

I have two parents who would do anything to fix this for me. But all I feel is resentment following every discussion about my life.

I don't want my life to be mediocre. I don't want to tell my grandchildren boring stories. I want to write my biography in such a way that people couldn't put it down...that it would be an adventure of epic proportions. Sometimes I feel like there aren't many people around me who want that same thing. I feel like the world around me is content and I can't seem to be okay with that.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know where all of this has come from and I don't know what the answer is but I know that I feel like a bird in a cage. My flame is dying out, my motivation is dwindling, my spirit is dying. And I don't know how to fix it.

I pray a lot these days...because I know that in reality, I am blessed so far beyond what I have ever deserved. Sometimes, though.... think that maybe I was meant for more....

Today's pearl of wisdom:
Pride and Obligation will not keep you happy.